Fourth day. 10:30 pm.

Well, I fucked up. Remember me mentioning that I haven't been having any real cravings yet? That I expected them to come soon? They came this morning. With a vengeance. I bought a pack when I woke up this morning and smoked one. And then I smoked another one. I did think ahead enough to leave them at home when I went to work. That wasn't too bad except after I ate. I'm up to four today total, but I won't go to bed until 3:00 am.

I'm staring at this pack I bought wondering what I should do with it. It teases me. Stupid camel. I know I should throw it out, crush it so it's useless and start over right now. I know I should. Instead, I'm going to go have a beer. And a cigarette. I'm going to go wallow in my own self-indulgent misery and pretend I'm some kind of martyr to smoking. Then I'm going to bed. I'll wake up feeling like a total jackass and start over.